Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
