If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
