i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
