I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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