She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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