It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
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