her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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