From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
