Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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