and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
