Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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