I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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