If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
