Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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