Your mouth is God's brothel.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
