The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
