i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
