I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
