and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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