sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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