I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
