you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
