And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
