Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He told me they were just razor bumps!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
