I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
