Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
