PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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