ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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