2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
