i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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