i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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