Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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