She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
