Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
you inspire me to be a worse person
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
