He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The struggles of a small town man whore
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
