Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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