I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
soo... how was my night?
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