just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
