Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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