just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
