The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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