Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
