I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
