NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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