I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
These tits shall not be calmed
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
