shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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