Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
