I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
