I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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