is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
