I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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