Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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