One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
